I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Randomize