everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
