put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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