dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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