just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
