I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
