Barsexuality is the new black.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
