Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
