Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
