Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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