I wish I could punch you in the face.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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