so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
