I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
