OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
