why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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