mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My balls are so social today.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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