I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
