what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
