Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
