SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
