put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I would ride that face into the sunset
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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