David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
