I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
