just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
