They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
