Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
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