My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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