GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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