So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
