It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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