I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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