Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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