I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
