my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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