Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize