Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
