discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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