Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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