if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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