Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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