I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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