Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
