I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
