I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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