So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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