Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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