i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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