He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
