Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
