First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
