Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
