What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
