I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
