mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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