His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
