Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
