Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
