I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
