He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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