thus making me awesome and them whores
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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