So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
