He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
