its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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