you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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