yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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