I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
