I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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