Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
