it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
