Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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