; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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