What a fucking waste of an outfit
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
