Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
