He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize