mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
