I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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