when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize