Ambien. No doubt about it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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