Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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