woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
