Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
