You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
