my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
