HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
