never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
