I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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