I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
