You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
