i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize