the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
