apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
