i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
