What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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