Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
