Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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