I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
