3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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