4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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