i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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