This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
