I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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