They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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