She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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