You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
