Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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