My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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