sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
