im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
